The other day, I got a pretty big schooling from the universe through a tarot reading. The short version? I need to sit down and make the time for my creative projects, preferably by planning out my activities for each day. The coincidental thing about this reading is that several days prior to receiving it, I had ordered myself the planner you see above. I knew that, going forward, I would have so many minor projects going that finding time for everything would become a hassle if I didn’t keep track of it all.

I’ve been naughty, and the universe is calling me out on it. With so much creativity flowing through me — so many ideas and plans and goals — it’s much easier to sink my time into leisure activities, where I don’t have to worry about putting aside the time to work toward those plans and goals. I’ve been overwhelmed trying to figure out the best way to balance my projects. What should I focus on? Can I really achieve all of these things? What am I best suited for?

I have two weeks remaining of my full-time work, and I’ve spent this month trying my best to set myself up for success once July hits. In all honesty, though, I don’t feel like I’ve achieved much. Pursuing spiritual work as supplemental income was a last-minute decision that I didn’t feel prepared for. I haven’t made much progress with my writing, and though I’ve invested in art and craft supplies, I’ve barely touched those in the last few weeks.

According to my shiny new planner, I’m supposed to be working on my fiction right now. I had everything set in front of me for about twenty minutes, and then I closed it all down and opened this tab to write this post. Presently, I feel more interested in developing my spiritual tools than writing. I’ve always been the sort to go with the flow; whatever my gut or heart feels like doing, I do it. However, this leaves me with quite the predicament: what’s the point of planning out the time if I don’t stick to that time?

Creativity is a fickle thing. It’s not like a chore. You can’t just get up, expend the energy, and be done. And I think that’s where the root of my problem lies. If you’re not feeling a project, it’s much more difficult to sit down and actually work on it. Everyone’s got their tricks on how to power through, but sometimes, those tricks still don’t get the job done. Your fingers itch for that other project. The words or visions just don’t come. Perhaps your work day was simply so draining that you have no juice left for creativity.

In the end, I know I need to be both gentle and firm with myself. This is a time of change for me, and I can’t be so harsh on myself, but at the same time, I need to make progress. I need to plant those seeds and nurture them. I need to make those plans, sort out those priorities, and push through. I’m a dreamer with countless dreams — but dreams are pointless if we don’t make the effort to pursue them.

I may not be working on my fiction tonight, but I will sit down and draw with Morpheus. That seems like a fair trade-off, since I’m in need of the practice (and the portfolio).

Sweet dreams, everyone.